staying home

i love being a stay at home mom. i'm glad we are able to do it. it isn't always easy financially or emotionally, but it is definitely where i want to be....right now. there are some definite draw backs...
1) i don't get alot of adult time. i feel like a junky sometimes when i see other grown ups. i start jonesin' for a adult conversation fix. just to talk to someone i don't have to tell what to do, or explain why they have to do it, when they need to do it, and how they need to do it would be heaven. it has gotten better, though. since i don't have a new baby or pregnant, i am able to go out with some of the parents i know. i don't know why it stopped me in the past, but it did.

2) i don't feel like i can complain to my husband. i know what you are thinking, "why would you not complain to your hubby?". that's easy to answer, he has to work alot. not as much as he did before, but still alot. his job is a stress filled one. when you work on commission, it will always be stressful, but, when you have a wife who stays home with your 5 kids, it becomes just a wee bit more so.

3) i get alot of kid time. some days, perhaps a bit too much. i seriously can't go to the bathroom without someone right there behind me saying "hey mom". my kids think when a door is locked, it means that we want them to just get the key and come in anyway. i don't even get to sleep in my bed without kids. some days, you can't throw a stick without hitting a kid.

4) i know that these are the best years of my life. these are my babies and they are only young for such a short time. i am scared i am not enjoying my kids enough. you see, i am with them all day. i am worried that by being with them all the time, i don't get a chance to sit back and see them for the great kids they are. (atleast not until someone else tells me)

i hate feeling this way. my kids are my life...literally. i have a hard time being away from them. i can't say i don't get away...i have a great family that loves spending time with my kids. my step mom and dad actually take all 5 overnight. yes you heard right, all 5 (ages 2 thru 11) all night, and they even take the kids out places with them! my step mom actually took all 5 a couple of weeks ago, over night, and my dad wasn't even there to help out. just her and my little bro. (he may be 26, but he acts like 11 sometimes) even with the kids gone, i have no idea what to do with myself. i don't know how to do things without being interrupted 10 times. i will suddenly look around trying to find the little ones, only to remember they are out. i have had a baby on my hip, or in the oven for 12 years (in december). they have been the best 12 years. maybe i am just a little scared about what comes next?