Monday, July 2, 2007

the 4th

ok, this is a first for me. 2 posts in one day? i decided to ignore the kiddos for a while so i could write this.

only 2 days until the 4th. we are having a big display at the house. jeff loves fireworks. i got a strange email yesterday. well, not just me, most of the family got it. it seems jeff's oldest brother is having some marital problems. not a real shocker here. and because jeff's brother hasn't told anyone, and his wife doesn't want to be the one to tell, no one is definite what is going on. she only asked that no one mention anything to their kids. they have 2 kids. tricia is 20, goes to slu, and is actually zack's godmother. jacob is going to be eighteen soon, and a senior in high school. the kids are coming in for the forth. jeff's brother and sister in law are not coming. atleast, as far as we know, jeff's brother is not going to come. i don't think anyone has talked to him in a few months. he has many issues, none of which he acknowledges. it is really sad. any way, you maybe asking yourselves why i am bringing this up. well, it was this time 16 years ago that my mom took us kids and left my dad. so this is stirring up some not so pleasant memories. i don't think it matters how old you are, this hurts bad. i remember my dad taking us on a float trip shortly after with our normal group of friends, it wasn't fun anymore. i remember feeling like everyone was watching me, and feeling sorry for me. not a great feeling. so i can definitely relate to what they are feeling right now. i love these kids. i know this will change them. i wish i could tell them the things i learned from all that i went thru. like
1. don't put much stock in the bad things your parents say about each other...they are angry at each other.
2. don't put much stock in the bad things your parents say about the other's family...for the same reason
3. don't keep these feelings bottled up, they will come out eventually. and believe me, these feelings don't go away. they will eat at you.
4. i understand that getting drunk or stoned may seem like a great release, or numb the feelings, but it is still a bad idea. doing these things just postpone your feelings. you will have to deal with them eventually. and doing these things change who you are.
5. i went thru a phase where i wanted to be "independent". well, seeing as i had no idea what the concept was, and didn't get a great definition from my mom, i saw it as men and marriage are bad. i was waaaaay off.
6.just because your parents weren't a perfect example of what marriage should be, doesn't mean it can't be an example. remember the good times, and the bad.
7. don't hide from your family, remember that they love you no matter what. in fact, they will be there for you after everyone else has come and gone.

it took me a long time to learn some of these. some i am still working on. i can say, with some degree of certainty, i would not have been in as much trouble had my parents stayed married, or atleast had they worked together as parents after the divorce. they (mainly my mom) put their feelings about each other over their duty as parents.
anyway, i hope my niece and nephew are ok. their parents too.

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

Those are great things for those children to hear, Amy. I'm sorry this all is getting stirred back up for you. You are such a caring person, I am sure they'll eventually come to YOU for comfort!