Friday, September 9, 2011

well, my oldest is 15 now. has been for a almost 2 weeks. he had his first football game. he played both offensive line and defensive line. he didn't start the game, but he played part of the 2nd quarter and then the rest of the game. they won 43 to 8. pretty fantastic first game! we saw hubby's aunt and cousin at the game. the cousin's stepson played for the other team. he was an awesome player, but he didn't have support from the others on his team. i haven't been to a football game in about 15 years. i think i went to one after alex was born. i used to love going to the games...freshman year especially. there have been a few changes since then. cheerleaders uniforms are different, and there are more of them. pommers are now dancers and there are fewer of them. (only 7 out there) but i LOVED it. the day was beautiful and my kid was on the field.

i've been reading a lot lately. i've started reading a new author, Barbara Delinsky. her books are fantastic. very real life. i haven't read one yet that i've had to force myself to finish. they are pretty hard to put down. ones i've read~ together alone, woman betrayed, fingerprints, within reach, family tree, more than friends, suddenly, the woman next door, and while my sister sleeps. i don't think i could pick just one favorite...they were all pretty great in their own ways.

i've been thinking about my life more and more lately. with all of my kids at school, i should get a real job right? or go to school? i mean i still watch kids and all. hubby and i had a decent conversation about it last night. he had thought working at a daycare would be good for me. no. no thanks. is there anything wrong with daycare? probably not. but the reason i like what i do now is it's flexible, and these kids are mine when they are here. not mine for a year. mine until they stop coming. my sis-in-law works at a daycare and really likes it. she has the kids in her room until they turn 3. then they move on. i couldn't imagine giving up these guys before i have to. i like seeing the way they develop their own personalities and quirks. i like being a part of that. especially since my own are older now and i won't be having any more. anyway, back to the job/school issue. i figure i have some time to you know, ponder, what it is i should do. hubby was really great about it. not that i expected anything different. i know he only wants me to be happy with what i do. i just wish i knew what that was.
when i was a kid, i wanted to go to college and get a degree, go to law school and be a lawyer and then a judge. why? my mom pushed for me to do it. why? well for her it was because she missed out on it because she was pregnant with me. would she have gone to college if i hadn't been on the way? maybe, but more for the parties than the education. i'm not trying to be mean or rude, that's just how she was/is. i want my kids to go to college. why? because they will get to see more, and do more and that will help them to figure out what they want to do. won't it? i mean if they know what they enjoy doing or learning about won't that help them? it's a little late for me. my life is set in a path that family is the most important thing. hubby and kids are my main focus. i don't want to change that. but i would like my kids to maybe figure out what they want before they start a family. it just seems like it would make their lives easier. maybe not. i don't know.
parenting is so much harder now. when they were babies we were their main teachers. now, they have teachers and friends and coaches and i worry so much some times. alex is going to a school with 300+ kids in his grade. he didn't have 300 kids in his entire school before this. i don't know these kids. i don't know their parents. i think back on some of the stuff i did, and the kids and their parents and it scares the heck out of me. i hope he does better than i did. i definitely want us to do better than my parents did.

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