my oldest asked me the other day if he had to participate in a math competition. i guess it's something all the local catholic grade schools do. grades 6 through 8 get to answer questions and compete (if you are in 8th grade) for scholarships to the catholic high school. sure you can i said. let me know when it is and i'll be there.





i guess i missed the intention of his question. he doesn't want to do it. all he would tell us is he "just doesn't want to do it". so we kept pressing and finally he said he just doesn't like being the center of the attention.



i don't believe that for a second. if he issues with that, we would have seen that in other things like shooting free throws after a penalty in basketball, or batting in baseball...i think he is afraid of not being "smart", or maybe being too smart. i think he's scared of being considered dumb, so he just sits back and does the little that he has to to get by.



then haley chimed in with how she and alex were both in the spelling bee...and neither of them wants to do that well. well enough, but not so well that they have to compete on a larger level. i don't get it. they are so competitive against each other...and in sports...but when it comes to academics, they want to sit back and watch.



this is the exact OPPOSITE of what i've been trying to instill in them. i love that they enjoy playing sports and all, but learning is WAY WAY WAY more important. i have extremely intelligent children and i want them to be smart. i want them to know they are smart and be confident in it. what am i doing wrong?



hubby told alex if he wants to play baseball in the summer, he better compete at the math competition. not sure i agree with that. i want him to actually want to do well. not be forced into it. i tried to tell him if he wanted any chance of going to the local catholic high school that he has to do well with these things and try for scholarships. we don't have an extra 7 or 8 grand just lying around to spend on one year of school for him. i don't want to add lots of pressure either.



i understand that it's hard to get up in front of people like that and compete. been there done that. i didn't like it either. i still have a hard time in front of people. my face gets bright red and hot. i lose my train of thought. my hands shake. and on rare occasions i break into a rash. it's not a pretty picture. i don't want them to be like that. i want them to be comfortable in front of groups. that's why i am totally for the kids reading in front of church. which is basically the whole school. they get to see everyone makes mistakes during their readings...everyone messes up once and a while.



i just wish i knew what the right thing to do is.

that new baby smell

i had a new baby start with me this week. she's a new year's eve baby. pretty complexion, chuuuuubbbby!, and so very smiley. i met her mom and grandma a few weeks ago, and then i met her daddy yesterday. they are a young couple, fresh out of high school, and remind me so much of jeff and i twelve years ago. i like working with younger parents. they need a little guidance and someone to listen. they are a little more "flaky" sometimes, but what teenager isn't? they seem like really nice kids, and very much in love...i love to see that. it's so rare to find young couples like them that survive.

i am trying to be a more patient and understanding parent, while at the same time more, uh, what's the word i'm looking for? not strict, or demanding, well....maybe a nicer word for strict...like consistent? i don't think i "demand" much from my kids, but i don't expect much either. i think i need to "expect" more of certain things like, helping out around the house, keeping their rooms clean, you know, stuff they should be doing. i don't set boundaries very well when it comes to that kind of stuff. i need to do better. i know i need to be more of a role model for my kids when it comes to responsibility, but it's really really tough. my bedroom is a total disaster. no, i mean it. it is. it's as bad or worse than alex's room, perhaps not as bad as the little guys' room (but that's just because i haven't been sneaking snacks in there), but it's worse than haley's room. that's horrible. i don't want to be a "do as i say not as i do" type of parent! i want genuine respect from my kids, not fear or apathy.
can you tell it's "that" time of the month? i feel like i rant about my parenting every time it hits me! or at least rant about something every time.

my kids started back to school today! hip hip HOORAY! on friday, the other kids start back at school. i'm glad i have a few more months of school before the kids are out for the summer. it gives me some time to prepare myself.

sorry about being away so long! spring breakers have taken over my computer. the first couple of days were so nasty out (we got around 4 inches of rain and the pond is officially full! yea!) that the kids had to find stuff inside to do. so that means fighting over the computer. i only have had a few extra here and there this week, so i am not totally tired of kids yet.

today is Good Friday. this is the day Jesus died for us on the cross. for us, this week is the most important week in the year.

i am sorry i didn't comment on the american idol shows this week. i know that rachel has been waiting to see my tears on the screen about amanda not making it to the top 10. well, i don't know that it is worth crying over, i am a little sad that she left. i don't think this was the kind of contest that she fit into, and i think she knew that. in fact, i really think that's part of the reason she didn't smile much. that and the fact she was on the "vote for the worst" website. she wasn't the worst. i think that kristy lee's "blow you out of your socks" comment to simon is why she was able to hang in there. my husband cracked up when she said that! then i think she realized what she had said and turned a nice shade of red. i think she got to stay because people wanted to see what she might say next week. it certainly wasn't because they enjoyed the performances she puts on.
and what was with the 2 weeks of beatles? not that i don't like the beatles, but there are there not enough other songs out there? or was it because no one chose "yesterday" in the first week?
i don't know, but i sure hope they don't make that mistake again!

we went to see "horton hears a who" this week. it was pretty good. all my kids enjoyed it. that was pretty cool. the little guys were so engrossed in the movie, they didn't talk much, and that almost never happens! they did a good job with the casting, and i think it turned out pretty good.

we rented a few movies this week. my favorite, by far, was "enchanted". the story was cute, the casting was phenomenal! amy adams (i think) was the princess, and she did a great job. i totally bought her as a disney style princess. the mannerisms, the voice, everything! everyone else was good too, but man, she was awesome. and the songs! they were so freakin' cute! i am not a "princess" type of girl, but this movie was really that good. or at least i thought it was. my husband took grace to see it in the theater and he liked it, but didn't love it. he said this was the best casting job though...which was definitely true.

i am so looking forward to the candy on sunday. i have a confession. i don't like M&M's unless they have been microwaved first. this is totally weird, i know. if you try it, you won't go back. take a handful, microwave them on high for 30 to 60 seconds. the shells crack, and the chocolate inside gets all melty....mmmmmm! it works for those chocolate eggs too! i'm on my 2nd bag. terrible i know, but what can i do? they call my name!

i love my kids, but...

i have a tough time talking about how great my kids are. time after time, when people talk about their kids, i have a tough time talking about how smart my kids are, cute, talented, nice, whatever. i have never been one to brag (i don't think i have been) and i guess that's what it seems like when i say something about them. it's not like i sit in judgement about people who do. i have several people who talk about their kids all the time, how advanced they are, whatever. my sister in law talks about her 2 kids all the time. her daughter is beautiful (and she is) and they boys swarm her. her son is so smart (not so sure about this one) that she has asked for him to be tested for the gifted classes. not the teachers, mind you, she asked. several times. now, i know my kids are smart. i don't have to rub it in when i talk to her. and i don't. i just sit there and nod sympathetically. what else do you do? i know kids make mistakes all the time. i don't want to put unwanted pressure on my kids because they feel they need to live up to my standards. i remember trying to do that for my parents. so i am going to try today to brag about my kids.

alex- my oldest very smart. in 3rd grade he was reading at an 8th grade level. now, he's in 5th and can read anything he wants (except books below a 6th grade level) he remembers everything he reads (like he dad). he has the most beautiful blue/gray eyes. he is helpful and polite at his friends houses. he helps with his little brothers. he loves sports. he's great at baseball, basketball, and soccer.

haley- my oldest daughter is brilliant. she is in an advanced math group and an advanced reading group. she may come across as ditsy, but the child is so very smart. she is absolutely beautiful. i am seriously afraid of my girls becoming teenagers. she is athletic. she is a great softball player, soccer player, basketball player, and swimmer. she is so sweet natured and helpful. she loves to "mother" brothers.

grace- my youngest daughter is so friendly. she makes friends everywhere she goes. i won't say she doesn't know a stranger, but she is always quick to make friends. she loves attention. she is also very smart. she went into kindergarten not knowing her letters very well, and is already reading books. in fact she just started the reading counts program. she makes friends quickly, but she also keeps them. she and her "best friend" claudia have known each other for 3 years now, and are as close as can be! she is such a love. she loves to help me. anything i ask, she's there to do it for me. she is my other beautiful daughter. my girls may not look exactly alike, but they are still beautiful. haley is darker complected, with beautiful brown hair with golden highlights and eyes like mine. grace is blond, lighter complected, with blue/green eyes. they both have those awesome thick black eyelashes like their daddy.

josh- my middle boy is gentle giant. he was my smallest baby (8lbs 2oz), but is my biggest kid (4 years old and 50 lbs...not a bit of it fat either). he is into all things mechanical. i know this kids is just as smart as the rest of them. he loves cars, trucks, tractors, basically anything mechanical. he really listens to you when you talk to him. he loves girls too. it's only girls that are his age at my house. he plays with them just as good as gold. he loves his family. he has the same eyes as my oldest...beautiful blue framed by thick black lashes. to look at him, you would think he is much older than he is. he's the same size as most of the kids in grace's class, and speaks just as well. he is, by far, my biggest help in the house. you just ask him to do something, and it's done!

zack- my youngest is the only one that looks like my side of the family. he is a scrappy little thing. he doesn't take any s#%^ from anyone! he has the most beautiful and contagious smile. he also has the same blue eyes at the other two boys. to talk to him, you would never guess he's only 2. he's also the friendliest of my boys. he is definitely not shy! he and josh are the closest out of my 5 kids. not just in age either. zack loves his daddy. as soon as he sees him, he runs to get some pretzels so they can sit in daddy's chair together. he always wants to help out too.

ok, that ends my bragging session for today. you can see for yourself how beautiful my kids are in the picture of my family. just pay no attention to the fact they are wearing clothes that don't match. i am not the most organized mom, so i am just happy they are all wearing clothes!

challenges

ok, yesterday, i don't think i did a proper challenge post so here it is.
7 out of nine rooms i got atleast 20 things picked up...but i didn't do any sweeping.
one of those seven rooms was the little boys' room (my extra focus room) and the boys and i cleaned in there. it is better. not great. not even passable. but it is better than it was. we are going to work on it more today.

i haven't mentioned this earlier (only because i was afraid to jinx it), but zack is in the process of toilet training. well "in the process" sounds so formal. how about "my kid is going on the potty now"? sounds better. he still has accidents, and definitely needs help still, but he is consistently going in the toilet. can i get an "amen"? i was really scared he was going to be like 6 and still in diapers. i was also scared that the lack of a child in diapers would send me into a "i want a baby" tailspin...but so far so good. i don't know why i was so worried about him taking too long. he is only 2. well 2 years and almost 7 months, but who's counting? he's about the same age my other 2 boys were. the girls were way different. the month they turned 2, that was it. no diapers, not even at night. my first son, he showed some interest at 18 months...he would get out of the tub to go. i didn't push it though. now my little zack is in spiderman (or thomas, or cars, or scooby) underwear.
by the way, does anyone have a good way to get the pee smell out of couch cushions?
perhaps i will actually get some computer time this evening to post my challenge numbers.

i won't hold my breath.

weekend recap

ok, quick nephew update. he is doing great. he is going to be moved to a rehab hospital this week i believe. he is mentally all there...a little whiny, but what man wouldn't be? physically he is doing great. thanks for all the prayers! they definitely worked!
friday
jeff and i got away from the kids for the night. we went and saw "i am legend" and went out to eat. the movie was ok. not a "wow" type of movie. not an original idea for a plot, that's for sure. i won't ruin it for anyone, so i won't tell you what movies it was like. it was good, but not great. had will smith not been in it, we wouldn't have gone to see it. i don't think anyone would have. my brother in law was having friends over, so we stopped by. his friend, alexa, was there. her parents took one of the puppies. she said he is like 35 pounds already, and her parents love him like a kid. they are going to take him to obedience classes starting this week. glad to hear they love him.
saturday
grace had her first indoor soccer game this past weekend. she scored a goal and her team won 6-3. their game started at 7:30 AM and the place is a good 30 minute drive from my dad's house. the kids stayed the night there and so my dad drove her to her game. on the way back, she threw up all over herself. my dad is a little hard of hearing, and she didn't speak up, so she was pretty gross when they got home. she slept most of the rest of the day. they brought all the kids home after they dropped alex off for his game at 12. alex's team played the other team from his school. alex's team won. he scored 5 points and fouled out in the 4th quarter.
i got to go out with a bunch of moms. i went to my friend jen's house (the nurse) and she had a "spa" party. a nice lady selling beauticontrol products gave us mini facials, foot stuff, all kinds of good stuff. me being the youngest there, i didn't get as much stuff done to my face. i have fairly clear skin, and not too many lines and/or wrinkles yet, but most of the other moms were atleast 7 to 10 years older than me. it was so much fun to sit around and talk, and just be a woman.
sunday
second sunday in a row that we actually all made it to church. jeff is not an early riser, so we made it to the 11 o'clock mass. the boys were so good in church i was amazed. we had several people make comments about how good the boys were. always nice to hear good things about your kids. we came home to grab jeff some food (he hadn't eaten breakfast yet) and the neighbor's friend (who took a puppy) was out with the puppy. they named him marley. he is a good 5 pounds bigger than sally. he seems happy and healthy. she loves him. i'm glad he has a home where he is loved like he is. from there, we went to the hospital. jacob is doing well. he is in a normal room, his roommate is a teenage boy too. i don't know what happened to him, i didn't ask, but i heard he's a wrestler. we stayed there for a couple of hours. we left there in time to get to alex's next basketball game. he's in a tournament. he played the same team again, the really tough team that totally creamed our boys the first game of the first tournament they were in. (did that make sense?) we didn't lose by as much. only like 13 points. we actually outscored them in the second half. had our team played the first half the way they did the second, we could have taken them. that's nice to see. our boys were so sure they were going to lose going in, i don't think they realized how close they came to winning it in the end.

did i ever say i don't really like watching basketball? i still don't like it much, but when it's my kid out there, i can get interested.

the 4th

ok, this is a first for me. 2 posts in one day? i decided to ignore the kiddos for a while so i could write this.

only 2 days until the 4th. we are having a big display at the house. jeff loves fireworks. i got a strange email yesterday. well, not just me, most of the family got it. it seems jeff's oldest brother is having some marital problems. not a real shocker here. and because jeff's brother hasn't told anyone, and his wife doesn't want to be the one to tell, no one is definite what is going on. she only asked that no one mention anything to their kids. they have 2 kids. tricia is 20, goes to slu, and is actually zack's godmother. jacob is going to be eighteen soon, and a senior in high school. the kids are coming in for the forth. jeff's brother and sister in law are not coming. atleast, as far as we know, jeff's brother is not going to come. i don't think anyone has talked to him in a few months. he has many issues, none of which he acknowledges. it is really sad. any way, you maybe asking yourselves why i am bringing this up. well, it was this time 16 years ago that my mom took us kids and left my dad. so this is stirring up some not so pleasant memories. i don't think it matters how old you are, this hurts bad. i remember my dad taking us on a float trip shortly after with our normal group of friends, it wasn't fun anymore. i remember feeling like everyone was watching me, and feeling sorry for me. not a great feeling. so i can definitely relate to what they are feeling right now. i love these kids. i know this will change them. i wish i could tell them the things i learned from all that i went thru. like
1. don't put much stock in the bad things your parents say about each other...they are angry at each other.
2. don't put much stock in the bad things your parents say about the other's family...for the same reason
3. don't keep these feelings bottled up, they will come out eventually. and believe me, these feelings don't go away. they will eat at you.
4. i understand that getting drunk or stoned may seem like a great release, or numb the feelings, but it is still a bad idea. doing these things just postpone your feelings. you will have to deal with them eventually. and doing these things change who you are.
5. i went thru a phase where i wanted to be "independent". well, seeing as i had no idea what the concept was, and didn't get a great definition from my mom, i saw it as men and marriage are bad. i was waaaaay off.
6.just because your parents weren't a perfect example of what marriage should be, doesn't mean it can't be an example. remember the good times, and the bad.
7. don't hide from your family, remember that they love you no matter what. in fact, they will be there for you after everyone else has come and gone.

it took me a long time to learn some of these. some i am still working on. i can say, with some degree of certainty, i would not have been in as much trouble had my parents stayed married, or atleast had they worked together as parents after the divorce. they (mainly my mom) put their feelings about each other over their duty as parents.
anyway, i hope my niece and nephew are ok. their parents too.

ever shrinking bauer zoo

yes, now we are shrinking. apparently taking care of baby birds was a little more work than my kids wanted to do. after trying their best to feed them as often as possible (every couple of hours as opposed to every half hour for 12 hours), four died after about 4 days. the 5th one i told alex to put in another nest in the barn. yes, this is what i told him to do before bringing them all home, but he insisted he wanted to take care of them. so hopefully the 5th one will have a better chance of survival.
but we may be expanding again soon. one of our feeder guppies looks like she is pregnant. so we will be expanding again, but then again we will be shrinking. (they are turtle food after all!)

grace gets to do her kindergarten screening tomorrow. i was so nervous with alex, making sure to quiz him on things they may ask. now i am lucky enough to remember the appt and get her there on time. i think she's going to do fine. i got lucky enough to have some pretty smart kids, and they all pick up stuff fast. alex and haley are reading well above their age/grade levels. i guess your first child is the one you worry more with, try to get them to accomplish more and do it early as possible. why is that? is it to validate us as parents? are we afraid if they don't do better than soandso's kid then we must not be good enough parents? or is it just inexperience? i had no idea what alex should have known by the age of 5. the preschool i chose was not into teaching things like the alphabet and numbers. their philosophy was more "we teach them those things if they want to learn about them". they weren't a bad school. they dealt with more of the kids with issues. blind kids, deaf kids, learning impaired, autistic, physically impaired, you name it, they dealt with it. alex had none of those problems. why did i send him there? i was a teen mom, and my parents as teachers educator suggested i send him there. alot of those kids (teen parents' kids) had some big issues and they were able to figure them out sooner by having them at this school. not to mention it was free. that played a big part in it too. but when we did alex's screening, i found out he really didn't know any letters, only a few numbers, but did pretty well on the rest of it. (he had 2 screenings. one for zumwalt, which he passed with flying colors, and one for st. paul, he passed with half mast colors) haley did well on her screenings. better than alex. her school focused more on academics, as did grace's. if i had it to do over again, i don't think i would change what schools the kids went to. alex did fine in school. kids learn at their own pace. you can't force them to learn something when they aren't ready. they will get it eventually. no need to freak out that little jenny can read already, and grace only knows 23 letters. she'll get it. i have no doubt. and she'll do great, when she's ready.

only 3 more years until i have all 5 in school. i am actually excited about this. i haven't been one of those "weepy" moms. i don't cry on their first day of school, first communions, anything like that. these are momentous occasions, don't get me wrong, but i can't cry at them. maybe i will when it gets down to the last one. i don't know. i haven't gotten to that point yet.

painful

poor zack and josh have hand, foot and mouth disease. it is a virus that causes sores/blisters on the hands and feet, but is especially painful in the mouth. i actually had this before. when alex was about 7 mos old, he got it. he was miserable. all he wanted to do was give mommy kisses (reason? mommy kisses always make boo-boos better). anyway, i ended up getting it too. couldn't eat anything but yogurt and pudding. i ended up losing like 15lbs. so now my littlest boys have it. they are miserable too. zack has been wanting french fries and nuggets, but when he tries to eat them, he just cries. his little feet look so sad too. sores all over the heel and around his toes. josh isn't as bad, but he hasn't been eating much of anything either. every time he tries, he starts crying too. man, it sucks. if i could only get it instead of them! i hate my kids being in so much pain, and nothing i do helps.

oh yeah, i went to the doctor today. i can start wearing a real tennis shoe again. no more boot. i will let you know when we have the ceremonial burning of the boot. no more bunions, no more boots, no more pain. now i need to start exercising.

have you ever thought about...

adopting a child from foster care? i have actually been thinking about this since alex was in preschool. he had a boy "andre" in his class. i was not exactly fond of this kid at first, he had a lot of social issues, like biting other kids, hitting etc. he never talked. adorable little boy, mixed race, gorgeous brown eyes, killer smile. and then one day he came up to me while i was holding haley (she was about a year), took her foot in his hand and said "shoe". he smiled so brilliantly, i couldn't help smiling back and telling him "yeah that's right". when i discussed this boy with the teachers, they explained to me he was in foster care, and didn't talk, like not just shy, but literally didn't know words. like he had never been talked to or something. after the day of the shoe, he always found me when i was up there and talked to me and haley. i could have easily taken him home then and there. but it wasn't to be. i actually went to a foster parent class, well the first one anyway. the man doing the instructing told me i needed to wait until our youngest child was older than the children i would be bringing in. his reasoning is that you want your child/children to be a role model of positive behavior, not this child being a role model of negative behavior. jeff was not keen on the adoption idea. not that he discouraged the idea, he just didn't want to have hypothetical discussions about something that would be so far off. when he started the job he has now, one of the guys was in the process of adopting a teen girl from russia. his immediate boss had just adopted 2 boys through the same church program. this totally changed his views. watching his friend go through all the work, traveling over there when they were having terrorist attacks, and then meeting this beautiful and bright girl, completely changed him. of course he was thinking about foreign adoption at the time, but there are so many kids here that need families. next time you are just wasting some time on the internet, go to www.adoptuskids.com . you can use them to look up kids from your own state, any particular state, or all the states. it breaks my heart. so many older kids wanting a family. i couldn't imagine not having a family, but to be a teenager with no one? please say some prayers for these kids, they need all the support we can give them.